When You're Gone

O'How I had spent those sleepless nights

When the city jostled under relentless lights;

My tears could get no time to dry,

No sooner was another challenge to try-

Hurt before healed and dead before killed,

Lost before found and condemned before redeemed.

My love was soon losing its charm

With nothing more potent of doing me harm.

I'm tired of riding this ferris-wheel;

Forced from a dream like a morning drill-

This to and fro journey between hell and heaven

Is far too much from keeping me sane.

Reasons are different but results are the same:

For me, there is always a grief to your name.

It is not that I still search for a reason

To wipe off someone from my fond vision,

But only that I have brought more pain

By listening to the love's sweet old twaine.

You said you care-so did I believe,

But my feelings- you just couldn’t receive!

Once I found so much peace in your words,

And then you pushed me away from your arms.

I have long forgotten to trust my sense,

I need something, you give something else.

Those sweet anxieties now trigger terror,

Those beautiful memories-now a nightmare!

Every time I tried to stand back upon my feet

Those foolish hopes gave me nothing but deceit.

Tell me how I may ever trust you again-

Our first token of love in the rain?

Kotha chilo hete jabo chhaya poth.....

An inspiration to the soul

As a way of passing the early lazy days of a new academic session and being unable to quit the habit from the last holidays, I have been watching a lot of english movies these days. Some are action movies while some are fiction. But the kind that are mostly made and are hard to get are the good "romantic" ones. I wish i could be a child once more to enjoy movies like i did while watching the legendary "Titanic" - I simply soaked up every bit of the movie with all my mind and body, and remember it till date. Its only with an uncomplicated and curious mind of a child that you can get lost in a good movie! We like them so much because they not only give us dreams to live for but also they touch a special cord in our hearts which we never disclose or share, because it is so vulnerable- "melancholy". These movies do not just portray a mythical yet extremely desirable situation when you get all that you ever wanted from your lover, but it gives us hopes: something that we desperately search all our lives at every step. They hold up a mirror infront of our face when we secretly admit to being what we see in it.
Above all, you have to lay your hats off to the Hollywood people because they have the talent and the creativity to dig out classical novels and quality actors and directors to make up a good picture. The movie that i particulary wnat to dicuss is from 1999, named "At First Sight". An upclass urbane architecture,Amy, who also happens to be a 1 year divorcee, falls in love with a "blind" country masseur, Virgil, who lives with his elder sister Jennie. She experiances a whole new perspective to life through his mind's vision; she feels important, she feels complete, and she feels happy! He listens to the rain by hearing it pattering on the glass roof, dropping in the puddle and gurgling through the rain-pipes. His sesitivity touches her.
She finds out that recent development in catract surgery can offer a possibility of restoring Virgil's eyesight through an experimental operation. She asks him if he wanted to go ahead with the doctors, but he is turned off at the idea, thinking that she didn't like him for what he was. Virgil's very caring sister explains to her that since thier father left him Virgil secretly blames himself for being the reason to it; beacuse he let his father down and could not live up to his expectations after much trying. He finally agrees to get the sugery, only to not let go of Amy, and his sight is regained, but very little. After a brief period of being able to see, when he sees alot of things- including some very beautiful and nasty things of life, he falls back into darkness agian. He gets angry at being put through so much and not being able to make Amy happy. This whole time she kept saying that come what may but she will never give up on him, but when they could see that all their efforts were going down the drain, she was heart-wrenched. That made it clear to him that she could not accept him as a blind person that he was, and so he left. Later, being alone for a long time, she realised that she needed him and so came back to him to take life as it was.
This movie talks about faith- in believeing in something even if you cannot see it, like the horizon; you can see it from far but you cannot touch it. It shows that if we used our senses the right way, we can feel how beautiful the nature around us is. Being disabled with with one sense organ actually makes us more sensible and open to our surroundings. The story tells us to be brave enough to listen to our heart; it may apparently seem difficult but may have what we desperately seeked hidden as a prize to be discovered within the challenge. Its about feeling others' emotions, especially disabled people, for whom its embarassing if you try to change them as it actually makes them feel inferior. Actually its not just about handicapped people, its that there are flaws in all of us, some permanent, but we can still enjoy life fully if we utilised what we already have! Its also about knowing our own selves- what we really want, like Amy wanted love, attention, importance, affection, sensitivity in her companion, but she also wanted Virgil to not be blind; there was something in him that she did not like. And how much we are ready to sacrifice for what we want.We try to snatch a bit of joy, realxation and comfort in our very busy and strangling life through expensive means, but the thing that can calm our senses and rejuvinate our minds with gentle happiness is what we already have- the gift of this beautiful world, and its free of cost too; all you need is the mind's eye !

An Ode to My Dear Cat !

Death is the most inevitable pain. Today i lost my dearest friend - my pet cat "Lalu". He suffered the most excruciating 45 minutes of his life before leaving this world forever at around 2.30 a.m. After a fierce attack from a pack of dogs, he bled to death in front of my eyes and i could do nothing to save him.

Lalu is the most humane cat i have ever seen. He is a small creamy red coloured ball of fur, a little thin for his type(male), with a chronic nasal problem which made him snore when he breathed. He was a timid kind with a feeble cry, and you could never tell when he was about to sneeze! He was one of those very lazy and lucky cats to have been sticking to my mother all day long, only eating and sleeping like a couch-potato, and stirring up the whole house whenever there was shortage of fish; playful as ever, discovering any big or small piece of string or wire in the house, being annoyed with anything that moves within his reach, which of course includes torturing insects and lizards( his favourite! ) . His best time of the day was the "night" when, at first, he could obstruct the hanging of the mosquito-net because it has so many strings, and crawl under the bed-sheet while it being spread, and spend the rest of the night's solitude hunting down cockroaches in the kitchen. He was known to have lost his feline instincts and imbibe human instincts instead because he could knock on the door by the latch, open doors, come to the fridge when it is opened and point out the packet that contains his delicacy- fish! He used to accompany us at the dinner table, patiently sitting in the chair and peering over the table top waiting till we give him a share. I shall never forget that cute face.

Those last 30 minutes of his life will remain etched in my mind forever as the most horrifying time of my life. His eyes were trying to speak a thousand words it seemed, most of which meant- get me out of this pain. His posterior end from the waist to the limbs failed him; he was desperately trying to stand up and run away from the pain.....his eyes told me that he was so scared...... but now he rests in peace......Lalu, where are you.....it hurts so much.

Dear God, may he be happy up there with You forever. Let him not be born again.

Searching for my Reflection

My first post !!!

Today is a great day for me as i make my first public writing in life! It feels like all of a sudden i don't know what to write, unlike the very reason why i decided to start a blog of my own: to give the world a view from my mind's candid camera, to write lots of things that i want to share with you. Its hard to decide the topics on which i should write first and the ones that i should deal later with. But anyway, i have taken my first step.

Hope you find this site good for leisure readings and please encourage me to make it better !

Thanking You,

Love,

Shreya.